Monday, February 28, 2011

Joakim Noah sisters hot. But not so fast my friend?

I mean by most people standards the bitch is a hot, tall mulatto. And i want to pin her ankles behind her ears and make her dreams come true for 90 seconds. But i fear the situation will be similar to the scene from the devils advocate where the face of the chick keanu is fucking keeps changing from his wife to the other hot chick. But in my situation it morphs from the hot young model to her mongloid 7ft foot brother who is on my favorite basketball team (especially that last pic right?). That being said I'd fuck her sans conny, and the bulls dominated the wizards despite around 16 turnovers. The score isn't important chief, we won.

Ed note: thanks to Tazer for the the heads up on Noahs sister. Ya tazer is one of my friends. No it isn't his last name. No it has never been his nick name before today. Today is the first day of the rest of your life tazer, congrats.

- les Anderson

MTV Legend Abram busted for Public Urination.... Promptly Smears his Pooh on his Jail Cell Walls

Who the fuck do these Lunenburg cops think they are?  Do they know who they’re fucking with here?   This is Abram.  He’s fucking crazy bro!   An original reality TV gangsta. Sure the Jersey Shore kids are all the rage right now, but they wouldn’t even exist if it weren’t for trailblazers like this. First ballet HOF’er.  Always the last hope to stand up to CT and shit in the challenges.  So obviously if you lock his ass up he’s going to smear shit all over the place.   That’s the intensity he brings. 

Found Tommy Harris' replacement

225lbs 49 times? Yeah, this guy can play for me. There is no joke here, just people doing work.

Get the Fuck Out of My City.......

Tommie Harris
I google imaged underachieving and this came up

 "Now, for the easiest part of my job... the cuts"- Coach Homer Simpson

   After Tommy's first year in the league, it looked as if the Bears had hit a home run with their first round pick. However, his tenure here has been downhill ever since. Injuries played a big part in his failure, but it was much more than that. The rep on him around the league was block him early and he would stop trying.
   And despite Lovie Smith protecting his players, even the lazy ones like Harris, it was quite obvious to media and fans alike that Harris never had the hunger to be great. He never showed the type of passion it takes to be a great defensive player in this league.
   Sure he showed flashes of greatness, and because of that he will play in this league for many more years to come. But he won't be missed around here. His over paid, under achieving ass should have been let go last offseason. So it gives me great pleasure to utter these words: Tommy Harris......... GET THE FUCK OUT.

Ted Kennedy Tried to Rent an Entire Whorehouse in Chile

HeraldAn explosive FBI file on the late U.S. Sen. Edward M. Kennedy now reportedly reveals he “made arrangements to rent a brothel” in Chile in 1961 while on a swing through South America, according to newly released documents obtained by Judicial Watch… he new passages allege Kennedy, 29 at the time, was on a tour of Chile, Mexico and other surrounding countries while serving as an assistant district attorney in Suffolk County… “While Kennedy was in Santiago he made arrangements to ‘rent’ a brothel for an entire night. Kennedy allegedly invited one of the Embassy chauffeurs to participate in the night’s activities.” Those FBI files — released to the media last June — also allege a high-society informant attempted to link Kennedy to star-studded sex parties with Hollywood sexpot Marilyn Monroe and legendary “Rat Pack” crooner Frank Sinatra.

   Drunk Uncle Ted, the Hoover of Hyannis Port, the Scotch and Blow Kid, the Chappaquiddick Cocksmen.
   Listen up kiddies, Ole Teddy Kennedy was doing the hooker and blow routine since Charlie Sheen was just a urge in Martin's sack. If he was still alive he wouldn't believe the amount of attention that little Chucky has been getting. He would remind us that the Kennedy's are America's Royal Family and that fucking sluts and, banging lines the size of I-90, in Chilean brothels with your embassy limo driver is what being an American legend is all about. 

Do Yourself a Favor and Watch. Charlie Sheen: CBS owes me an apology, a big one, while licking my feet"

In the best interview ever made in the history of the world, Charlie Sheen met with the Jeff Rosen of The Today Show and said the following:

When asked if he was sober, "Look at me, duh!  Drug tests don't lie. Scoreboard don't lie."

He says that AA is a sham with a 5% success rate and as a retired gambler he needs better odds than that.

He is ecastic that his kids can read about this one day, and they can come to him and get the truth, "Wow!  Winning!"

He calls Thomas Jefferson a pussy.

He says CBS is trying to destroy his family by making him unable to support them (I think Latrell Sprewell told him to say this) then follows it up with the classic, "They picked a fight with a warlock."

"Epic Behavior" after the Jeff Rosen read a list of all his partying the last few months.

He never missed a day of shooting but never missed a Practice.  We talking bout practice.  Yep, he even quotes Allen Iverson and gives him a shout out.

He then brilliantly starts asking unanswerable questions to Two and a Half Men creater Chuck Lorre pretty much blaming everything on him for the show's demise.

"...(AA) is for people who are'nt special, people who don't have tiger blood in them, people without adonis dna."

Watch at 9:54 when Rosen asks him how he can convince a producer to hire him, Chuck looks at him like he's fucking insane for even thinking someone wouldn't want him on their project.  Then follows it up with the outstanding line "first of all come Wednesday they are going to name it Charlie Brothers not Warner Brothers, DUH, Winning!"

"Come on bro, I won best picture at 20, I wasn't even trying."

It's official, Charlie Sheen is untouchable.  No matter what he does, no matter what he says, people (me especially) are completely fascinated by him and adore him.  He is the coolest man on the planet, Duh, Winning.  God Bless you Charlie Sheen.  There is so much more to this interview, you have to watch it.  Best interview I've ever seen.

- Eddie Adams

Andray Blatche challenges Fan to a Fight over Twitter

After challenging a fan to a fight via twitter, Andray Blatche tried to back pedal saying someone hacked into his account. However it has now been confirmed that the tweet came directly from Blatche's blackberry.

 Basically this guy has lost all street cred right? First he pulled the twitter/email tough guy routine, which I thought was reserved for white males aged 15-20. Then he gets caught lying about him actually posting it. This cat has studio gangster written all over him. The Ja Rule of the NBA if you will. Except nobody knows who Andray Blatche is.

Another Edition of Ass in the Face

Alexis Ford. Thank you, twitter.

Where's the Love for Corey Haim?

Some are upset the Academy snubbed Corey Haim in the customary “In Memoriam” montage during last night’s Oscars.

Some?Some? Who's not upset. Corey's charisma and talent caught the eyes of all American's in the '80s. Leaving Haim out of this montage was a slap in the face to everyone watching.

PS-I haven't heard from Les Anderson yet this morning, I hope he didn't do anything stupid

Cubs looking for PA announcer

The Chicago Cubs announced Monday they are searching for a new public address announcer at the Friendly Confines, and they are opening the job search up to anyone, posting the ad on jobs site
Candidates are invited to send in their applications by March 7th. Finalists will be chosen for live auditions at Wrigley Field by March 14 with a final decision to be made by March 25.

This kid from Ball State has my vote. Kid loves pressure.

Boom goes the dynamite

Bike Parade in Brazil Goes Horribly Wrong (50 sec mark)

  Nothing is more frustrating than getting stuck behind a bike rider who thinks his schwinn deserves a full lane to travel in. Bikers bitched to get bike lanes put in the city and I rarely see them used. So I can really relate to the driver in this video.There is a tradition of road rage in my family and I'm like the crown prince of it. Not one day goes by without me wanting to kick the shit out of bike messengers/commuters.
   My biggest pet peeve is when they blow through red lights and stop signs and act as if Im supposed to always give way. Well now Im done chasing them down and just spitting on them. No, now Im gona start running over these fucks.
You've been warned. And a GMC Denali will do a lot more damage than this little Brazilian toy car.

Naperville Man gave $200K to fake online girlfriend

 One Naperville man wired $200,000 to rescue his online girlfriend from kidnappers before realizing it was all a hoax.
  He believed he was in a 2 ½ year long relationship with the lady he met online. The man even had a copy of her driver’s license, which of course turned out to be a fake sample license found in Google images.
  The 48-year-old man had already wired the cash to various bank accounts in Nigeria, Malaysia, England, and the United States before realizing it was all a sham. 
   Police said when an officer told the man the “woman” he was sending money to didn’t exist, he “was in disbelief.”

I can't rip this guy. I mean perhaps after 2 ½ years, it’s time for a face-to-face meet up or a video chat in a public place rather than a fake license. But this poor bastard was just trying to fit in.  Naperville is the nations capital for guys who pay their significant others a couple hundred thousand not to fuck them.

But at least he didn't find her on J-Date. Then the ransom would have been double.

The Blackhawks Honor A Dead Guy?

The Blawkhawks are running out of pre-game ceremony ideas, so much so that they dragged this dead guy out there last night. But then I realized he wasn't dead, he just doesn't give a shit about a 9th place hockey team.

PS- I gaurantee this guy hits harder than Brian Campbell.

Wake Up with Oscar's Hotness

Friday, February 25, 2011

Rick Reilly still a douche bag, now hates "very tall guys"

In his new espn article rick reilly gives his opinion on the melo trade as well as NBA free agency/trades as of late. And it pretty much boiled down to him him not like young black dudes having any say about anything

"This is what the NBA has become: very tall, very rich twenty-somethings running the league from the backs of limos, colluding so that the best players gang up on the worst. To hell with the Denvers, the Clevelands, the Torontos. " - reilly.

I mean why even bother with the "very tall, very rich twenty something" moniker. We get it you don't like rich young black guys deciding where they want to live and work. This coming from reilly who was from Boulder than worked in Denver for two years before taking a job with the la times after just two years in Denver. Oh and he left that job after just two years. Big cities are big cities cause they appeal to people more than other cities. So if you are the best in the world at your particular job, you are going to be able to choose where to do it 9 times out of 10 regardless of profession.

As much as it hurts me to say, bill Simmons does a great job of pointing out how athletes picking where they play is not a new thing by any means

" Over the past six decades, the following players pushed their way from a worse situation to a (seemingly) better one either by trade or free agency: Wilt Chamberlain, Oscar Robertson, Shaquille O'Neal, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Moses Malone, Rick Barry, Charles Barkley, Scottie Pippen, Bill Walton, Kevin Garnett, Allen Iverson, Gary Payton, Ray Allen, Jason Kidd, Clyde Drexler ..." - Simmons

So i wonder if it bothered reilly back than or if him getting older and players getting younger, still black, and more outspoken is really his problem. And that my friends was some social commentary from les Anderson. It is really unnecessary, but rick really is a real cunt, and is back on my list. What list? One that includes skip bayless, jemelle hill, Kevin Connelly, Brett ratner, Nancy grace, and the security guard at your sisters dorm (hey bro how many times do I have to tell you I don't go to school here, I'm just visiting)

Ed note: not pictures of Rick reilly. Katie Cassidy if you are curious

- les Anderson

And in news that makes you go meh

INDIANAPOLIS -- The Chicago Bears rewarded coach Lovie Smith with a two-year contract extension Friday following an 11-5 regular-season record and a trip to the NFC Championship Game. Bears blog

Smith, who had one year left on an existing deal signed following the Bears' Super Bowl appearance in the 2006 season, is under contract through 2013. Financial terms were not disclosed.

"Of course I feel great about the extension, like I have every day I've been on the job as the head coach of the Chicago Bears," Smith said from the NFL combine in Indianapolis. "Great organization. We have great players who come to work every day. We have an excellent coaching staff. I'm in position to be here and get that extension based on what the players and our staff have done."

Entering the final year of a four-year, $22 million deal, Smith said he is satisfied with the length of the extension which now coincides the contract of general manager Jerry Angelo, who is also signed through 2013.

It feels like my goldfish died. I knew it was going to happen, but I'd rather my fish be alive. I knew that last season would keep Angelo, lovie, and his lovable band losers around for longer than i wanted. I guess it is a hard offseason to start over had we missed the playoffs, fired lovie and Jerry, and needed to find a new coach and GM, in this current NFL climate. So maybe it's fine for now. When asked for comment jerry Angelo replied, "me and ah lovie we celebrate. We dine a with me mamma.". To which lovie replied, "Rex is our quarterback"

- les Anderson

Bulls over heat. Constanza still over thibodeau

Bulls beat the heat last night 93 to 89. Rose led the bulls with 26 and lt. Deng came through with 20 and a huge clutch three to seal the win. I was drinking so I'm still not sure how the bulls won. All i can remember is Miami highlights. In other news thibs seems to be holding on to that hair no matter what the cost. Seriously he has 10 to 15 hairs at like 5 inchs and combs those back. I admire the guy's gusto, but he should go with the costanza or the jason statham.

- les Anderson

Simply the best

From brobible

"I think it was Nails (Lenny Dykstra, FTW!) that said, and I was really flattered that he got it right, he might be Nails, but I'm bayonets. I'm battle tested bayonets... I'm so tired of pretending like my life isn't just perfect and just winning every second, and I'm not just perfect and bi**hing and just delivering the goods at every frickin' turn. Look what I'm dealing with, man. I'm dealing with fools and trolls. I'm dealing with soft targets, and it's just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee … they lay down with their ugly wives and their ugly children and just look at their loser lives and then they look at me and say, 'I can't process it.' Well, no, and you never will! Stop trying! Just sit back and enjoy the show."
Followed by:
"I'm sorry, man, but I've got magic. I've got poetry in my fingertips. Most of the time — and this includes naps — I'm an F-18, bro. And I will destroy you in the air. I will deploy my ordinance to the ground."
Followed by:
"I have cleansed myself, I closed my eyes in a nanosecond and cured myself of this ridiculous model of a disease of addiction and obsession. [AA] is just the work of sissies. The only thing I'm addicted to right now is winning. Ya know, this bootleg cult arrogantly referred to as 'Alcoholics Anonymous' supports a 5% success rate. My success rate is 100%, do the math! Another one of their stupid mottoes is, 'don't be special, be one of us.' NEWSFLASH: I AM special. And I will never be one of you."
He then proceeded to call Thomas Jefferson a pussy, but added:
"I cured it with my brain, with my mind. I cured it, I'm done … you don't look like you're having a lot of fun. I'm gonna hang out with these two smoking hotties and fly privately around the world. It might be lonely up here but I sure like the view, Alex!"
Charlie spitting nothing but pure blue diamonds. Other items discussed: "Major League 3," "pure, complete gnarlisms," Vatican assassins deployed by the Pope, watching "Jaws" on a yacht, and all sorts of "winning." Oh yeah... "Two and a Half Men" production was brought to a halt. Listen to the whole 18 minute interview after the jump.

Upon hearing that "Two and a Half Men" stopped production again, sheen dropped this, according to TMZ:
What does this say about Haim Levine [Chuck Lorre] after he tried to use his words to judge and attempt to degrade me. I gracefully ignored this folly for 177 shows ... I fire back once and this contaminated little maggot can't handle my power and can't handle the truth. I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon. Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words -- imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists. I urge all my beautiful and loyal fans who embraced this show for almost a decade to walk with me side-by-side as we march up the steps of justice to right this unconscionable wrong.Remember these are my people ... not yours...we will continue on together -- Charlie Sheen

I don't really even need to comment on any of this. They guy is the second coming. If i was a make a wish kid I'd ask for one day with sheen. The fact that he is all about going public and he has given up on keeping anything private is the best thing that could have ever happened. I will be staying tuned and i don't care if you guys are not interested. This thing is about to become all sheen all the time.

- les anderson

Caught in the act: Jayhawk on Jayhawk

Many of you might have heard about the suspension of Jayhawks star guar Tyshawn Taylor.   Taylor was suspended for "violating team rules" and coach Bill Self said of the suspension, "we are very disappointed."   Now, unless you enjoy mind-torturing boredom and actually watch women's college basketball, what many of you might not have heard was the nearly simultaneous suspension of Lady Jayhawks guard Marisha Brown.    Kansas women's coach Bonnie Henrickson said of Brown's suspension, "we are very disappointed."  Although the suspensions occurred less than an hour apart, the University released separate statements , but rumors have now surfaced regarding a possible connection.    Brooks over at Sportsbybrooks was told by two Kansas media sources, Taylor and Brown were "allegedly discovered playing a little unauthorized 1-on-1 inside Allen Fieldhouse."  

Now you can draw up your own conclusions, but I'm going to be honest.  I could smell the fucking gym all the way from Dallas.   That scorers table will never be the same.

photo and story courtesy of sportsbybrooks


Thursday, February 24, 2011

My current top 5

This shit will change from time to time

The 1st chick is victorias secret model erin heatherton (from skokie, il)
The 2nd babe is Frankie Sanford from the british girl group The Saturdays
The 3rd chick is Carrie Underwood from stuff
The 4th chick is cheryl cole from my wet dreams and some other british girl group
The 5th chick is Isabel Lucas from transformers 2.  But she may be out real soon cause as i was googling her, i see she dated adrian grenier better known as vinny chase, and she may have cheated on him with shia lebouf.  So on one hand she has really low standards and i should be happy.  On the other had what the fuck is wrong with her

-les anderson

Breaking trade news

In breaking trade news that I could care less about Jeff green and kristic from okc to Boston for Kendrick perkins. Also battier to Memphis for hashim "d league"

Update: Nate Robinson may be in that boston trade. Who know my friends sources are stupid

- les anderson

Ladies, better brush up on those psalms

Perhaps that’s a bit of a stretch – it’s not like Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow has gone on record stating that he’s hitting the club scene and working his Christianity-based Lotharioism on luscious ladies, but during a wide-ranging  interview with his hometown newspaper, The Florida Times-Union, Tebow did dish on his current relationship status, and guess what, gals? Let your hearts go aflutter, because while professionally, Tebow may belong to the Denver Broncos, as far as the ladies are concerned, he’s unattached!

You posted on Twitter recently that two girls were accompanying you on a Valentine’s Day date, then revealed they were your nieces. That was an interesting tease for your followers and TMZ. So here’s a chance for full disclosure. Are you a free agent on the dating scene, seeing one woman exclusively, or is this topic out of bounds?
No, it’s not out of bounds. I can say I’m single. It hasn’t happened yet for me. Who knows? We’ll see.

I actually like tebow more than most of my friends. I think it is awesome he is a beast and runs over ever tom, dick, and demarkus, on the field. And as those juice boxes and huge black dudes pull themselves off the turf they have to think about getting blown up by a virgin. What i don't get is he says "it" hasn't happened for him yet. Shit i thought that was voluntary on his part. But if by "it" he means girlfriend, im pretty sure the south is chalk full of 10s who go to jars of clay concerts and are technically virgins (cause maybe they take it in the ass).

Ed note: I google imaged tebow looking for unintentionally gay pics, but it was mostly football pics and pics of him with chicks in bikinis and chicks at parties. So the opportunity is there for him to either bang or to take on a trophy wife of sorts to cover up his rampant use of male hookers ( I'm looking at you Ted haggard). Oh and there is a 3rd option of just finding a smoking hot virgin, marry her, and finally release, what i can imagine will be 16 plus ozs of seed, inside her

- les Anderson

New football trick shot video

The new guy is is named Alex tanney (great pose by the way Alex), and he goes to Monmouth which is in Illinois so that's why he gets a post. Plus after i watched the video his might be better than the Uconn kid. He seems to have more power, that and the east coast sucks D.

Half man half god

Charlie Sheen boarded his private jet this afternoon along with his two new girlfriends and ex-wife Brooke Mueller … and took off for an island near the Bahamas for a private adult vacation … TMZ has learned

Those two new girlfriends are the two pornstars he has been living with. Yes the same porn stars that he went on his infamous bender with at his beverly hills home.

I mean when is everyone going to get that the terminator charlie sheen is out there. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are he is dead.

Look i think sheen is the coolest guy in hollywood. He does it his way, and for that he this generations Sinatra. The guy is just awesome and people need to get off his back. I'd be worried he might die, except he seems to have kept a steady pace of coke and hookers since the early 80s. And by my reasoning he might die if he stops.

- les anderson

Rumor central

Countney lee is the latest name being floated around. I don't mind lee at all, other names thrown around earlier were rip Hamilton and oj mayo. Regardless rumor has it the bulls are going to get something done today. Rumor also has it that your sister gives mean handers in the dugout after school. Rumors are fun

- les Anderson

Caption Contest

"I remember my first sock hop"

Does This Look Like The Face Of An Iowa Star High Jumper That Broke A Champagne Bottle Over Some Guy’s Head For Pissing In The Middle Of The Liquor Store?

HuffPo - University of Iowa senior and high jumper for the track and field team Graham C. Valdes, 22, was charged with assault causing bodily injury after he allegedly struck another man with a champagne bottle in a liquor store, reports the Des Moines Register.  Upon his arrest on early Saturday morning, Valdes told police that he attacked the still-unidentified man because he felt threatened by him. The victim, who officials found bleeding from the head when they arrived on the scene, said he had been trying to leave after a companion had urinated in the store, reports the Iowa City Press-Citizen.  The Press-Citizen adds that he ties for seventh highest all-time high jump at the university.

This is the heartland, love it or leave it. We sheriff ourselves around these parts. And if you feel threatened by public urination, then by all means knock that motherfucker out. Wait did that say the victims companion pissed in the store. Oh then that changes everything . Lock that track fag up.

Chicago's Very Own..

Joanna Krupa

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Does This Haircut Get This Kid Laid?

  The question isn't, does this kid get laid because of his fierce rat tail.... because obviously he pulls puss with it. Our female readers are probably flooding their computers right now because this haircut is a moist maker. I'm surprised he had the time to get a hockey game in with his busy social life, but I can't say I'm surprised he's from Philadelphia.

D Wade and Lebron at Sub 51 Tonight

According to very reliable sources, both Dwayne Wade and Lebron James will be at Sub 51 tonight, as they have already arrived in Chicago in preparation for tomorrow nights game. When asked if Bosh would be there, my source replied "who cares". Good point.

Only white girls need apply.

Im off to a Bachelor Party in Colorado Bitches.....

Dexter Rutecki lives on in all of us.

Les Anderson and Merkin are in charge.
Read: any lawsuits should be directed towards them

A nose bleed caused by Mr C....?

Handle your shit kid.

"I drank the bong water"

"I didn't live my life in the right way for politics, you know,"
Clooney, 49, tells Newsweek in this week's cover story. "I [expletive]
too many chicks and did too many drugs, and that's the truth."

He also goes on to say his slogan would be "I drank thong water"

Well la di da sir George. I think we can all admit clooney dominates
at life to a painful degree, but now he has to brag about it.  Now I
know he is not technically bragging, but he kinda is.  It is like when
someone says they just got back from Dallas, and one of your friends
will go "Dallas you say, reminds me of time I had a three some in
omaha, Nebraska". Maybe that comparison doesn't work at all, but this
guy says he has done too many drugs to do something and everyone
thinks "wow, this guy is real as fuck". I say it and human resources
has to escort me out.

- les Anderson

College Boxing Match

      This has to be at a small private school somewhere right? First off, they have full gear on, that shit doesn't fly at After Hours, at a big state school.
      Secondly, that looked more like a face push than a punch. I award you no points, except the guy in the beginning with the cowboy hat and black glove. That dude seems legit.

Chad OchoCinco was Doing His DWTS Partner

USA Today - Of all her Dancing With The Stars partners, Cheryl Burke appeared to have a particular connection to Chad Ochocinco. In her new book, Dancing Lessons, Burke, 26, writes that people assumed she and Chad were “an item” last spring because they had great chemistry and were both single. (There was also the matter of that $10,000 ring he gave her.) And now she tells Lifeline Live that, yes, “We had a little bit of a fling.” They dated? “We didn’t date. I wouldn’t call that dating,” she said, calling yesterday between media appearances for the book. “We maybe had a little bit of a fling. I wouldn’t take it to that word dating.”

So the chick with the big juicy ass, who got molested as a kid, fucked a black athlete?  Would have never seen that coming.

Hey Steve Sanders, you losing your touch bro?

Can somebody grab me a spoon?

Mrs Clay Bucholz (Lindsay Clubine).... I need a towel too.