Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Victory Latin Heartthrob

While female Yankee fans are buzzing about Derek Jeter's new single status, sources on the set of Charlie's Angels in Miami are talking about a growing late-night friendship between his ex Minka Kelly and her costar Ramon Rodriguez.

"We have seen Minka and Ramon talking in his trailer way after hours, and often late into the night," a source on the set tells PEOPLE. "They have been together long after they need to be for the show."

Of course his name is Rrrramon Rrrodrrriguez.  I bet he talks like this*, and touches girls faces unnecessarily like this*.  And tells grand stories about the summers he worked as a fisherman's hand back in Puerrrto Thrrrico.  Ya we get it man you have a cool accent and dance like an asshole anytime something rattles in a song. 

*I know you can't see what this is, but you know.

-Les Anderson

Sammy Sosa partying, still kind of white


Retired MLB player Sammy Sosa proved he's still a baller by partying and throwing cash into a belly dancer's skirt at Lavo in NYC on Sunday - TMZ

I thought he was doing some skin rejuvination or some shit.  I guess he isn't as white as he was last year so maybe he is on his way back.  Do racists hate black black dudes more or Latin black guys more? 

Also why does this skin rejuvination give you hazel eyes?

-Les Anderson

Chris Johnson still scaring me

Since I drafted CJ with the 7th pick (how do I pass?) I really need him to sign and here is some of the latest.

But Michael Lombardi says that’s about to happen.

“The Titans have basically said, ‘We want to get a deal done this week’ and they’ve opened up the bank vault and it looks like they are going to pay him,” Lombardi said on "NFL Titans Access" on Tuesday.

Likewise, Lombardi’s colleague Jason La Canfora tweeted: “Wouldn't be shocked at all if they had a breakthrough by the weekend in time...”

Jim Wyatt says nothing’s changed between the two sides, though they are communicating, and he said he believes the Titans’ reported offer is way low.

Jason Cole paints
the gulf between the two sides as still quite large.

Cole tweeted that Johnson wants $12 million a year and $30 million guaranteed, while the Titans are thinking more like $8 million annually and $20 million guaranteed.
When asked for comment Johnson said, "ah dis shii crazy.  I jis wanna play, and git that money...cant forgit to git dat money ah ah"
I really hope he doesnt pull a Vincent Jackson and sit 10 games.  In fact if Jackson never did that I bet CJ would never even know he had that option.  I hate when people realize they have options*, then its all like "Hey hey slow down... Not tonight...Im a good girl...You need to take me out first" 
*ed note: I actually love when players have options over management, but I need his ass in camp and ready to put up 20+ pts a week
-Les Anderson

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

If you love watching people break bones you'll love this video

God the Russians are a tough bunch. This old hag didn't even make a sound after snapping her ankle off. She just casual turns so everyone can 1) see and 2)stop laughing at her. I mean the Ruskies never ever show weakness, even when getting Joe Theismann'd... you gotta respect that.

Baseballs to the face....cause I got nothing else

I feel bad for this kid, but the fatty ginger below got what she deserved.....

Monday, August 29, 2011

Who let this guy in the race?

That drunk Samoan had no chance. He started a little slow and didn't get lower than the lowest. Thats the key in any competition, gotta stay lower than the lowest. You should be writing that down but I digress. This guy had a nice rack on him and ran bow-legged.... you do the math.... carry the one, yup he's a gay.

Patel and his friends

I kept wishing this guy was gonna hit something. No luck though. I just have one question........If you guys are here, who is worshiping the cows?

Hopefully this makes up for the cock shot post

Probably not though. Sorry.

Hurricane, Cocks, and Goggles

Poor Anderson Cooper wannabe. He was just trying to get the news of the hurricane out there to the people along the East Coast when he gets a cock shot behind him. Hard to be a professional with kids cocks hanging out around you. This was his big shot too. May not get another hurricane this year to prove his worth to the station execs. Thank God he had those goggles on though, things could have really gotten out of control.

Friday, August 26, 2011

I have a Fantasy Draft to prepare for so Im out so...

So if you are bored watch this it will kill 10 minutes and hep your ipod.  Or don't what do I care I have the 7th pic in the draft.

-Les Anderson

Summer days where are going? Really home? You should stay, I'll drop you off in the morning

Picture: 11066422

Picture: 10992531

Picture: 11064140

Picture: 11064135

Picture: 11066321

Picture: 11066315

Picture: 11066308

Picture: 11066404

Picture: 11066399

Picture: 11066394

Picture: 11068912

Picture: 11068875

Picture: 11068869

Picture: 11068864

Picture: 11068857

Picture: 11096037

Picture: 11069034

Picture: 11072798

Picture: 11069026

Picture: 11069001

Picture: 11068975

Picture: 11068971

-Les Anderson

And thats rat

Housing Authority worker Jose Rivera was photographed with this giant rat at the Marcy Houses in Brooklyn.

The picture shows Housing Authority worker Jose Rivera minutes after he speared the humongous rodent with a pitchfork at the Marcy Houses.
It's covered in white fur and looks well-fed. It appears to be about three feet long, including its hideously dangling tail.
And Rivera, 48, says it's not the only one. He insists that while he was filling a rat hole last week, three came running out - but he was only able to nail one.
"I hit it one time and it was still moving," Rivera said. "I hit it another time and that's when it died. I'm not scared of rats but I was scared of being bitten."

That rat is the coolest thing to come out of the Marcy projects since Jay Z.  Its fucking gross, makes my stomach turn, and I would squeal like a bitch and jump on a table if I saw one scamper by.  But for some reason I picture it with a cool voice holding court on some rat-street corner running the show.  Like the bad guy in Fievel Goes to Brooklyn. 

-Les Anderson

Dykstra still kill em

Former New York Mets and Philadelphia Phillies outfielder Lenny Dykstra has been charged in Los Angeles for allegedly exposing himself to women he met on Craigslist.

The city attorney's office said Thursday the 48-year-old former baseball star could face up to six months in jail and a $1,000 fine for each indecent exposure count.
Dykstra is accused of finding victims by placing online ads seeking personal assistants or housekeepers. He allegedly exposed himself to women who responded to the ads on several occasions between 2009 and 2011 after telling them that the position requires them to give him a massage.

Dykstra separately faces car theft, drug possession and bankruptcy fraud charges.

His plan, while great in theory, is flawed in a sense that he can leave no witnesses.  Thats pretty much rule number one.  That or use someone elses house and wear mask that seemed to could work every time.

Dykstra went from wall street success story, to a ponzi schemer, to Charlie Sheens best friend who tried to break him out rehab.  How there isnt a a reality show about Charlie and Lenny living together and trying to rebuild their lives on VH1 or A&E blows my mind. 

-Les Anderson

These sports related reaction videos from the Earthquake are decent

This dude on the right from Fantasy 411 goes from not noticing he is in the middle of an earthquake to being an expert on them in two seconds. Then he drops the dynamite on his co-host with that last bit of trivia...."Did you know that most of Manhattan is built on landfill, not on granite, and if there were like an 8.0 earthquake then parts of Manhattan would just…disintegrate? Did you know that?”....I Thought the guy in the middle was gonna cry.

Here's one from my boy Jim Furyk keeping his cool during the quake. Sorry for the movie montages in between but thats the only youtube video I could find of Furyk. Them's the breaks.

Car blows up in firefighters face

This dude didn't even jump at the explosion. I mean I knew what was coming and still flinched at the 16 sec mark. He just kept going about his business. Firefighters fucking rule. I'd love to be a firefighter, if I didn't have to actually fight fires. Its like a fraternity for grown ass men. Half the day they sit around looking at women on the streets, and the other half of the day they spend in smokey rooms.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

You know its a bad day when the best video of the day comes from Canada

I have nothing to say, we sucked today. On a related note, fuck Canada.

These are the dog days of summer.

No good videos today really, so we are just gonna keep "a rippin and tearing, a rippin and a tearing". Hopefully Les has some good Hollywood shit, cause baseball is dead in Chicago and every Bears fan I talk to says they won't finish any better than 8-8. Personally, I say fuck that noise....pretty sure Hedo Rick is with me too.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

You're name is now Toby

During a meeting in April between the owner and his then-future prized rookie, Richardson explained to Newton that he wasn't big on tattoos and piercings.
"I'm not a choirboy. I've never said I was. And I don't want a roster of 53 choirboys. I told Jeremy Shockey, 'Don't change your personality. It'll be good for the team," Richardson told Observer reporter Tom Sorensen in April. "I could do without the tattoos, though.'"

So when Richardson met with Newton, one of the first things he asked the quarterback was if he had tattoos or piercings, and Newton said he did not.

After Newton was drafted, he was flown in to meet his new organization. Sure enough, Richardson had to ask:

"Did you get crazy after the draft and go out and get any tattoos or piercings? Do I have to check you for anything?"

"No sir," said Newton

Then Richardson asked Cam to get naked and to stand on a block to see what his market value may be just in case.

-Les Anderson

Why doesnt being rich have to make peopel so weird?

Simon Cowell's breakfast

Via With Leather
In addition to getting a weekly intravenous vitamin drip, Cowell’s last act every night is to text his executive assistant what time he wants his breakfast, which is prepared and brought to him by his housekeeper. Every day for the last five years, Cowell has had the same breakfast:
Hot water with lemon. Then papaya juice with lime… Then oatmeal. Then tea. Then three different smoothies—a spinach smoothie,¹ an antioxidant smoothie,² and a super smoothie with seven fruits.³

1. The specific recipes, as supplied by his assistant: 1 banana, 2 large handfuls of fresh young spinach, the juice of half a lemon, a small amount of freshly crushed ginger, a small glass of water, a tablespoon of honey, and 12 ice cubes, served in a tall glass with a black bendy straw.

2. One large carrot, 2 sticks of celery, 1 banana, 1 green apple, 25 green grapes, 3 slices of fresh ginger, 1 tablespoon of honey, 1 cup of orange juice, and 10 ice cubes.

3. One hundred twenty-six milliliters of grape juice, either red or green (30 grapes), 20 milliliters of blueberry puree (15 blueberries), 20 milliliters of strawberry puree (9 strawberries), 20 milliliters of apple puree (half an apple), 10 milliliters of lingonberry juice (8 lingonberries), 8 milliliters of acerola juice (5 acerola berries), and 8 milliliters of aronia juice (5 chokeberries). (Chokeberry is also a good word for a type of gay dude who just blows dudes.) 

5 Fucking years.  You would think being rich would lead to more variety. 

In related news, did you know sales tax in Chicago is 11%.  I know because when I get my breakfast off the dollar menu at McDonald's my bill is always $1.11, it used to be $2.22 but that was in better times. 

-Les Anderson

Iowa football players in a critically acclaimed movie

Domiic Alvis, a red-shirt sophomore defensive lineman, was cast as a henchman alongside offensive lineman Nolan MacMillan in the Iowa City-based movie “The Wedge,” which is about a pizza delivery boy getting caught up in an Fourth of July casino heist. The movie, which was written and directed by 2010 Iowa graduate Joe Clarke, is tentatively slated to open in November

full article

If you didn't go to Iowa this isn't that cool, but if you did its some good scenery.  More importantly how have I never seen that fist pound into a bowl toke before?

-Les Anderson

Banana a way

First time I have seen Capoeira beat anyone up since '93.

I love new teachers who don't play by the old rules.  "Hey you there, I want you to turn the music...up!"

- Les Anderson

Jello shoots new video


Get it? Jello! Cause her legs are fat!  Her legs looks one of the colored CGI grapics scientists use to show you how a tsunami or earthquake spreads from the point of impact. 

From the looks of this particular chart I see the hypocenter of the quake was right above the highest point of her knee cap and to the right a few inches.  Right where shadow turns to light.  Seems everyone from her knee to to her ass were affected, no survivors are expected.

Im totally Team Skeletor.  He was in Man on Fire and the The Subsititute.  Sick resume if you ask me

-Les Anderson

Susie Lyn Medeiros

-stole these photos from barstool, you are welcome

Man goes in for circumcision, gets his dick amputated

"The good news is I had to cut some of your penis off"... oh well thank you doc. But the best part is at the end when they reveal the man can't read. So he's a truck driver, who has a bull dyke lesbian wife and can't read??? Not exactly a playboy, so what does he need his dick for anyways?

Mexican reporter asks socccer player to sign her ass

The action starts around the :40 sec mark. The only thing really shocking about the video is that this clown doesn't sign her ass. As if he thinks its inappropriate or something. C'mon man, she dropped her pants in front of the entire stadium, pretty sure you won't get Roethlisbergered for this one..... yes, I'm claiming Big Ben was falsely accused, that is the stance all assholes like me take on the situation. But Kobe was guilty as fuck in Colorado... any questions?

PS- Blonde haired Latinas, while rare, really make my pants tight. Im talking to you Ines Sainz