Thursday, December 8, 2011

Now this is a guy who knows how to get girls

So this NYC Investment banker went on a first date with some chick and she blew him off post first date.  His voicemails and texts yielded no response so he took it to email.  Was he crazy? mean? sad?  Well Id say a lot of all three plus creepy as fuck.

The letter is long as shit so I'll give you some highlights and the whole beginning so you can get the tone and i'll highlight some of my favorite lines

Sorry for how long this is but it is all gold, and will help you greatly in the pursuit of women

Hi Lauren,
I’m disappointed in you. I’m disappointed that I haven’t gotten a response to my voicemail and text messages.
FYI, I suggest that you keep in mind that emails sound more impersonal, harsher, and are easier to misinterpret than in-person or phone communication. After all, people can’t see someone’s body language or tone of voice in an email. I’m not trying to be harsh, patronizing, or insulting in this email. I’m honest and direct by nature, and I’m going to be that way in this email. By the way, I did a google search, so that’s how I came across your email.
And we are getting creepy with internet sleuthing 
I assume that you no longer want to go out with me. (If you do want to go out with me, then you should let me know.) I suggest that you make a sincere apology to me for giving me mixed signals. I feel led on by you.
This was going to be an F U letter...unless you still want to go out me?

Things that happened during our date include, but are not limited to, the following:
-You played with your hair a lot. A woman playing with her hair is a common sign of flirtation. You can even do a google search on it. When a woman plays with her hair, she is preening. I’ve never had a date where a woman played with her hair as much as you did. In addition, it didn’t look like you were playing with your hair out of nervousness.
Comparison to animal mating habits, check.

-We had lots of eye contact during our date. On a per-minute basis, I’ve never had as much eye contact during a date as I did with you.
This is my biggest takeaway.  Monitor the per-minute eye contact I have with chicks
-You said, “It was nice to meet you.” at the end of our date. A woman could say this statement as a way to show that she isn’t interested in seeing a man again or she could mean what she said–that it was nice to meet you. The statement, by itself, is inconclusive.
 but I think there is a lot of potential for a serious relationship developing between us one day (or least there was before your non-response to my voicemail and text messages).
Future's so bright he should be wearing shades...and a straight jacket
You said that you’re planning to go the NY Philharmonic more often in the future. As I said, I go to the NY Philharmonic often. You’re very busy. It would be very convenient for you to date me because we have the same interests. We already go to classical music performances by ourselves. If we go to classical music performances together, it wouldn’t take any significant additional time on your part. 
One of his better arguments
According to the internet, you’re 33 or 32, so, at least from my point of view, we’re a good match in terms of age
 I don’t understand why you apparently don’t want to go out with me again. We have numerous things in common. I assume that you find me physically attractive. If you didn’t find me physically attractive, then it would have been irrational for you to go out with me in the first place.
Perhaps, you’re unimpressed that I manage my family’s investments and my own investments. Perhaps, you don’t think I have a “real” job. Well, I’ve done very well as an investment manager. I’ve made my parents several millions of dollars. That’s real money. That’s not monopoly money. In my opinion, if I make real money, it’s a real job. Donald Trump’s children work for his company
You think some of those millions could have been used on social interaction for our young suitor growing up.  
I’m both a right-brain and left-brain man, given that I’m both an investment manager and a philosopher/writer. That’s a unique characteristic; most people aren’t like that. 
A jack of all trades if you will
I’ve gone out with a lot of women in my life. (FYI, I’m not a serial dater. Sometimes, I’ve only gone out with a woman for one date.)
These are the truest statements in this email.  He has probably been on lots of dates.  And he has mostly only gone out with a given women once.
I suggest that we continue to go out and see what happens. Needless to say, I find you less appealing now (given that you haven’t returned my messages) than I did at our first date. However, I would be willing to go out with you again. 
Still not giving up on the 2nd date.  Most impressive
In my opinion, you shouldn’t act that way toward a man and then not go out with him again. It’s bad to play with your hair so much and make so much eye contact if you’re not interested in going out with me again
(if it’s inconvenient for you to talk on the phone when you read this email, you can let me know via email that you are willing to talk on the phone and I’ll call you). If you get my voicemail, you can a leave a message and I can call you back. 
Ya guy, we get how person to person communication works

Well that was all a lot to chew on.  My man seems to have grown up in a bubble reading tales of the outside world.  Adventures, romance, and mystery they were all his but alas, in his mind only.  This guy is the real life Truman Show or Secret Garden or something.

-Les Anderson

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