Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Haney's book about Tiger is a joke

DM – Publicly shamed golfer Tiger Woods banned his ex-wife from smiling on the golf course, according to his former swing coach Hank Haney. In a revelatory book he reveals the pro sportsman’s controlling attitude towards Elin Nordegren. Three months after the couple married, Nordegren apparently wanted to celebrate her husband’s victory at Torrey Pines. She suggested they throw a party like they used to when she worked as a nanny for fellow golfer Jesper Parnevik. But Tiger shot her down, saying: “E, that’s not what we do. I’m not Jesper. We’re supposed to win.’ Haney adds that the model’s smile ‘got smaller’ as their marriage continued. ‘In the future Elin would keep her emotions under wraps whenever Tiger won,’ he writes. Haney goes on to write that during their six years together, Woods showed little respect for those around him. He would make others pay for takeout and simply leaving a restaurant when he was done eating – whether or not those around him had finished. For months, Haney was afraid to ask Woods for a Popsicle when the golfer was heading to the refrigerator. ‘He never offered me one or ever came back with one,’ he writes. He describes the anguish he felt over Woods’ simple lack of courtesy. ‘It actually took me a while to summon the courage to blurt out, “Hey, Bud, do you think I could have one of those Popsicles?”’ In the tell-all, Haney depicts Woods as bad-mannered, cheap, and a lover of pornography and potty-humour. Before the 2006 Ryder Cup, several golfers, including devout Christian Zach Johnson, shared a hotel room with Woods. Woods ‘immediately purchased the adult-move 24-hour package and turned it on,’ Haney said, according to the New York Post. Johnson had no choice but to ignore the adult programming.
Barstool-Am I taking crazy pills? Did this swing coach really go out of his way to write a scandalous book about Tiger Woods and only come back with “he’s mad stingy with the popsicles”? Fucking SAD. Who gives a shit if dude doesn’t offer you a popsicle? I don’t offer anybody shit either — mostly out of forgetfulness than rudeness. If you want one then ask for it. Not that complicated.
But even better is Tiger sharing a hotel room with some tight-ass bible thumper and immediately ordering the 24-hour porn channel. Power move.  Like what planet did I land on where that’s not hilarious? And dude HAS to deal with it because Tiger is richer, more famous, and better than in him every way. A billionaire who eats fast then dine-and-dashes when everyone is still at the table?  What part of that isn’t funny?
If this is all Haney could come up with for this book then I have no idea how he fills that many pages. So Tiger told his wife not to smile so big when he wins because ‘he’s supposed to win’? Am I crazy or is that normal as shit? You think Jordan or Gretzky wanted their wives freaking out over every regular season win? Use your head, people. Tiger Woods is an all-time great who fucked thousands of sluts and threw his weight around while making other privileged, silver spoon lames uncomfortable. What’s not to love?

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